Bureaucratic Body Validates Its Entire Existence
After 116 years of operation, the Commission of Fine Arts has finally reached a groundbreaking conclusion: art is indeed fine. The announcement came during Tuesday’s commission meeting, where members congratulated themselves on this stunning validation of their organization’s nomenclature.
“We’ve spent over a century evaluating federal architecture, monuments, and public design,” announced Commissioner Gerald Witherspoon III, adjusting his unnecessarily expensive reading glasses. “And I’m pleased to report that approximately 68% of what we’ve reviewed qualifies as ‘fine.’ The other 32% ranges from ‘adequate’ to ‘why did we approve that eyesore.'”
The Commission, which advises on matters involving public buildings and monuments in Washington D.C., revealed that their most heated debates involve deciding whether certain artistic proposals are “fine,” “very fine,” or just “okay but we’ll approve it anyway because the alternative is another beige rectangle.”
Sources close to the organization report that one commissioner suggested updating the name to the “Commission of Art That’s Pretty Good, Generally Speaking,” but the motion was rejected for being too honest. Another proposal to rebrand as the “Commission of Subjective Aesthetic Judgments Made by People Who Went to Expensive Universities” was deemed too accurate for government work.
The Commission’s greatest achievement, according to internal documents, is preventing Washington D.C. from looking like “a dystopian parking lot,” which they note is a low bar but one they’re proud to have cleared. They’ve also successfully ensured that 94% of federal buildings feature columns, because apparently it’s still 400 BCE in architectural circles.
Critics argue the Commission’s existence proves that even art needs bureaucracy, which is either reassuring or depressing depending on your perspective.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/commission-of-fine-arts/
SOURCE: Bohiney Magazine (Commission of Fine Arts Discovers Art Is, In Fact, Fine)
Gina Mann