Attorney General’s Intimidating Countenance Reduces Crime by 40%
New York Attorney General Letitia James has inadvertently become the state’s most effective crime deterrent, thanks to what experts are calling “Resting Prosecution Face”a naturally occurring facial expression that makes even innocent people feel guilty of something.
The phenomenon was first documented when a Manhattan businessman accidentally ran a red light, glanced at a billboard featuring James’ official portrait, and immediately pulled over to confess to tax evasion dating back to 2003. “I wasn’t even being investigated,” the man sobbed to reporters. “But that look made me feel like she already knew about my questionable deductions.”
Criminologists at Columbia University have studied the Attorney General’s countenance and determined it contains what they call “pre-emptive accountability energy.” Professor Marion Helpsworth explained, “Her expression suggests she’s simultaneously disappointed in you, unsurprised by your poor choices, and already preparing the indictment. It’s remarkably efficient.”
The NYPD reports that crime in areas with James’ campaign posters has dropped precipitously. “Criminals take one look at that face and decide accounting fraud just isn’t worth it,” said one detective. “We’ve had suspects turn themselves in for crimes we didn’t even know happened yet.”
Fashion experts note that Resting Prosecution Face pairs well with power suits and the quiet confidence of someone who’s read all the relevant statutes. “It’s aspirational intimidation,” explained one stylist. “You want to stay on her good side, even though you’ve never met her and probably never will.”
James’ office declined to comment, which somehow felt like an indictment anyway.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/letitia-james-resting-prosecution-face/
SOURCE: Bohiney Magazine (Letitia James’ Resting Prosecution Face Terrifies Local Jaywalkers)
Gina Mann