Revolutionary Policy Change Surprises Exactly Nobody
In a stunning display of common sense that somehow qualifies as news, Mexico has officially declared that Mexico is, in fact, for Mexicans. The announcement came Tuesday during a press conference where government officials confirmed what geography textbooks have implied for centuries.
“After careful consideration and several hundred years of existence, we’ve determined that this nation should primarily benefit the people who live here,” explained Undersecretary of Obvious Statements, Roberto Sanchez. “We understand this may come as a shock to those who assumed Mexico existed solely as a plot device in American political debates.”
The declaration includes revolutionary provisions such as “Mexican laws applying to Mexican territory” and “Mexican resources benefiting Mexican citizens,” concepts so radical they’ve been standard practice in literally every other sovereign nation since the invention of sovereignty.
Reaction from international observers ranged from “well, obviously” to “wait, that wasn’t already the case?” Political scientists note this represents the first time in modern history that a country has asserted ownership over itself without being accused of nationalism, mostly because everyone’s too busy being confused about why this needed to be announced at all.
The policy emphasizes that Mexico welcomes visitors, trade, and cultural exchange, but draws the line at people treating the entire country like an Airbnb listing they can review negatively. “You’re welcome to visit,” Sanchez clarified. “But maybe remember that 130 million people actually live here and have opinions about their own country.”
American cable news responded by spending forty-seven consecutive hours debating the announcement’s implications, while Mexicans went about their day doing the same things they were doing yesterday, because the policy changes absolutely nothing about existing reality.
At press time, several other nations were considering similar announcements, including “Canada for Canadians” and the slightly more controversial “Earth for Humans.”
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/mexico-for-the-mexicans/
SOURCE: Bohiney Magazine (Mexico Announces It’s Actually For Mexicans)
Gina Mann