The Virginity Rankings Nobody Requested – When religious institutions play fantasy league with purity stats
The Great Virginity Census – How religious communities rank themselves in imaginary purity Olympics
Religious Virginity Standards vs Reality – The great purity promise meets the statistical apocalypse
Holy Chastity Batman: Religious Texts Meet Reality – When ancient scriptures collide with modern statistics
Trump’s $300 Million Ballroom: Where Democracy Goes to Get Fancy – Former President Plans Monument to Moderation and Understatement
The Great Lab Monkey Escape: Primates Choose Freedom, Researchers Choose Panic – 43 Monkeys Stage Prison Break, Immediately Regret Nothing
NVIDIA’s Washington Love Affair Blossoms Into Full-Blown Lobbying Romance – Tech Giant Discovers Congress Appreciates Expensive Dinners
Millions of Taxpayers Applaud Government Shutdown – Nation Celebrates Not Paying for Services It Won’t Receive
Mexico Announces It’s Actually For Mexicans – Revolutionary Policy Change Surprises Exactly Nobody
Letitia James’ Resting Prosecution Face Terrifies Local Jaywalkers – Attorney General’s Intimidating Countenance Reduces Crime by 40%